Chapter Two

Learning To Live In Your Own Skin
(Even If It Does Have Holes)

Memories, nightmares! What do you do with them?

They come unbidden to terrorize years later after the fact. They continue to chew at you, rob you. Some come from what "others" did, and some from what you did to yourself. Is there any escape from the pictures?

As you age, you will have pictures. Just think of yourself, and you get a picture—nice or not, happy or sad, real or plastic. We all have a picture of how we think we are. Much depends on whether you were nurtured in a lovely garden or left to grow like a weed. How well you took to education. Of course, there are many who grew up in nice homes with nice parents and do not have a good picture of themselves. It also depends on whether you see it in words or pictures. Most people live in words.

Think of a word, and it creates a picture. An understanding of the word helps create the picture. Me, I think in pictures. No picture, no understanding. I can read all the words I want, but if they do not make a picture, no amount of words helps.

When I was in the younger grades learning about money, they would get right frustrated with me. They knew I could add past one hundred, yet I could not add up money to make one dollar. Simple, I had seen a penny, quarter, dime, and nickel, but I had never seen a dollar bill. I could not see money past a penny, quarter, dime, or nickel.

School taught me more than reading, writing and how to do math. School continually opened my eyes to how much I did not know. Everyone else knew things, not I. We got a radio and were embarrassed to learn they were stations, not channels.

Television had channels.

We knew nothing but to survive. Every one of my siblings. We were children.

As an adult, I can see now because I choose to. When you are a child, you cannot see. You have to have a comparison or an understanding of expectations. Grow up without teaching, discipline, or understanding of "others." What do you have?

It took thirty years to realize I could survive, but it was no longer enough. I could not stand myself, so what was the point of fine clothes, food, and travel if I could have all these things but could not stand to be in my skin?

By the time I had an abortion in Toronto, I was so thick-skinned that you could do anything in front of me, and I would not blink an eye. I was known for this. Knives, guns, whatever. Did not mean anything to me. When I saw the show speaking of Bali and I challenged God, I was tired of it all. So when I went to Prince Rupert, I was really delighted to find out. He was real.

I starved, became incredibly ill and had no medical. I did not understand the cost of living and became broke. Yet every bathroom, whether restaurants or otherwise, would have these little Chick Tracts. Every time I read one, I said the sinner's prayer. Yet I felt nothing change in me. I just kept thinking that I was not good enough. Yet, I found a boarding room and a part-time job. When I got horribly sick, I phoned my sister. She sent me twenty-five dollars. I got some lung tea herbs, some Chinese cough syrup and Tylenol. I would wake up, spit out hunks of tar and blood, make some tea, take Tylenol and cough syrup, then sleep. No one noticed as far as a human, but God saw.

Two weeks later, I got a job that paid four dollars an hour plus room and board. I worked ten-hour days with a two-hour break in the afternoon. I was determined that I would stay away from the shady side. I was unsure if I wanted Average Joe's side, but I knew I did not want the shady side. I was so tired the first week that I fell asleep a nanosecond after lying prone. The second week, I slept through a many-alarm fire slightly across the street. Did not hear a thing. People did not believe I actually slept through all the noise, but I did. By the sixth week, I was getting ticked off at it all.

Then, one morning, this man came in with a hangover. Had been in before and was known to be a slob when eating. The soup of the day was written in big letters at the top of the insert in the menu. Yet this guy says, "Uh, what is the day's soup?"

When I was dancing, I never was a swearing lady. Yet I had no problem with words to make men look foolish, silly, and useless. I rarely had problems. I wanted to say words to the man, but my job does not allow that now. It is different. It was not long between the question and my answer, but when I gave it, I realized why all those ladies could not quit!
Laziness!!

I made myself answer, "Tomato soup."

You see, I really wanted to quit. I had no clue what I was looking for. I knew I wanted some form of life other than what I had. I would learn to bite my tongue and do my job. I stopped getting ticked off.

You have to want something bad enough to make yourself go through a hard time to get it. I wanted to be human, more than I wanted money, approval, food, clothes or travel. I wanted to be real, not just a chameleon. I wanted emotion, not emptiness. I wanted depth not shallowness. I wanted true knowledge, true philosophy. I wanted answers.

A new heart will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you shall heed My ordinances, and do them. (Ezekiel 36: 26,27) Amplified.

I liked it when I read it and said, "I will take you at your word." I had seen psychiatrists and psychologists. They all took my bag of troubles, dumped them on the table, and arranged the assortment. They said to modify this and try that, but after an hour, they all put my troubles back in the bag, handed them to me, and said, "See you next appointment."

I read hoards of books, yet I knew I could never read and study enough to fill the holes left by growing up. Only God could make the difference. Society may have created me, but it certainly did not know what to do with me.

Cause you to walk in My way! Yes!! Someone more stubborn than I. Yes!!!

The law of the Lord is perfect, restoring the [whole] person; the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple. The percepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the Lord is pure and bright, enlightening the eyes; the [reverent] fear of the Lord is clean, enduring for ever; the ordinances of the Lord are true, and righteous altogether. (Psalm 19: 7,8) Amp.

What is intelligence? It is the ability to learn and process knowledge. So, does having a high I.Q. make you intelligent? I do not think so.

We moved a lot. Records never kept up, so you were always given an aptitude test. I always scored high on mechanical reasoning and ability. When I was in high school, the government decided I was unprocessable. All sorts of wires got attached to me. Anything to do with absolute intelligence, I did not play with, but everything else was fair game.

The high school counsellor had called me to the office to review the situation. I am sure she forgot nothing, and I am sure she figured out I could read upside down. My file was left open, and I leaned forward. I saw my I.Q., which surprised me, but it meant nothing. I was interested in the other words. Survival can depend on how far you can push a point, and I was pleased with the result.

They tried to give me pills, but a lovely foster mother threw them down the toilet. Having seen the results of pills on others, I figured I was saved from zombie land to a degree. Nothing at that time could save me from psycho land but at least I could have my wits (such as they were) about to try to deal with it. Many are not so blessed.

A funny thing is that people can try telling you something is not your fault. Like sexual abuse, rape. Yet, when it repeatedly happens no matter what you do, it is hard not to believe it really is not your fault. Wear baggy clothes, do not wear shorts or bathing suits, and no pyjamas around foster parents.

Try not to be seen. Get a job so you do not have to be there. No matter what I did, these things continued to happen. Society was very rigid about what made up a "good" girl and what made up a "bad" girl. Just as women were told that it was their fault if their child was abused by her husband, so certain females are told, "they asked for it." It's not exactly the way to learn to like being in your skin.

For this, I will say that I have seen and learned that people will do many things to avoid admitting that they do not like living in their skin. The drunk and the druggie are obvious, but many get caught in covering the cover and not learning to deal with the inside. Is it even possible? Where do you start?

The reverent fear and worshipful fear of the Lord is the beginning [the chief and choice part] of Wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight and understanding. For by me [Wisdom from God] your days shall be multiplied, the years of your life shall be increased.

The beginning of Wisdom is, get Wisdom skillful and godly Wisdom! For skillful and godly Wisdom is the principal thing. And with all you have gotten get understanding, discernment, comprehension and interpretation. Prize Wisdom highly and exalt her and she will exalt and promote you; she will bring you to honor when you embrace her.

Happy blessed, fortunate [enviable] is the man who finds skillful and godly Wisdom, and the man who gets understanding drawing it forth [from God's Word and life's experiences. (Prov. 9: 10,11; 4: 7,8; 3: 13) Amp.

I am such an obvious person. I am an open book. I am what I am. I have done what I have done. Don't pretend that things did not happen. It is not my favourite subject, but the results that I have to deal with cause me to acknowledge where it came from.

However, not in despair. Just the facts. That's all they are. A long time ago I stepped away from the story, out of my skin. It is where I learned to go when it was impossible to live in my skin. Violence can do that to a person, but it is not a habit that should be kept. I did. It is why I am a watcher.

A watcher watches, analyzes information, and stores information. They do not participate, become part of, stay on the outer circles, do not join, yet on the shady side, it becomes a blessing. As bikers take over from the mafia type, not being part of became a blessing. I could tolerate Mafia types, not bikers. I care not at all for their lifestyle or how they treat their women. I certainly was not going to be one.

Yet do understand this, watchers or not, people see you go to a house, they will apply all the house stands for to you. It does not matter if you spend a short time in the hallway or just take a look in one room. You are there and will be treated accordingly.

You see. All females on the shady side are expendable. There is no value to anyone, especially females, on the shady side. The agent hires you as long as he continues to get his percentage. The places hire you as long as you attract a crowd. Get sick, ugly, anything and no one will care.

One may become bitter and cynical, but the shady side consumes them all. There is no way to come out of such a lifestyle and not be those things and more. Yet God says He has a way to know what to do in life, how to handle life, and how to heal life.

And the effect of righteousness shall be peace [internal and external], and the result of righteousness, quietness and confident trust forever. My people shall dwell in a peaceable habitation, in safe dwellings, and in quiet resting places. I will bring the blind by a way that they know not; I will lead them in paths that they have not known, I will make darkness light before them, and uneven places a plain. These things I have determined to do for them and not leave them forsaken. And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide Himself any more, but your eyes shall constantly behold your Teacher. And your ears hall hear a word behind you, saying, This is the way, walk in it, when you turn to the right hand and when you turn to the left. ((Isaiah 32: 17,18; 42: 16; 30: 20,21) Amp.

There can be reasons other than violence for why people do not like living in their skin. They are too big or too small. They do not like their job. They care not for their social group but feel it is better than nothing. They care not for their spouse and may play outside the home. They want more money or stuff and become thieves. They figure they need to be fast car salesmen, and they may not be dishonest but are not really honest.

After all, everyone does it, and you need to make a buck. After all, you are responsible for your family. The list goes on: I was overloved and underloved, smothered and ignored, abused and spoiled, not taught and taught too much, too loose, and too prissy. Pick one or add it to the list. It may be endless.

Those things no longer matter. Why? Because of Jesus. He came to heal and straighten the warps of life.

Warped: to cause to deviate from its original design.

Did your design get warped? Could you show me a single human being who is not? The degree of warp and in what subject makes all the difference. In my case, it was every subject. So, where do you start becoming unwarped (if such a word exists)?

But now the righteousness of God has been revealed independently and altogether apart from the law, although actually it is attested by the Law and the prophets, namely, the righteousness of God which comes by believing with personal trust and confident reliance on Jesus Christ, the Messiah. [And it is meant] for all who believe. For there is no distinction, since all have sinned and are falling short of the honor and glory which God bestows and receive. [All] are justified and made upright and in right standing with God, freely and gratuitously by His grace (His unmerited favour and mercy), through the redemption which is [provided] in Christ Jesus. (Romans 3: 22-24) Amp.

And this I pray, that your love may abound yet more and more and extend to its fullest development in knowledge and all keen insight that is, that your love may [display itself in] greater depth of acquaintance and more comprehensive discernment; so that you may surely learn to sense what is vital, and approve and prize what is excellent and of real value recognizing the highest and the best, and distinguishing the moral differences; and that you may be untainted and pure and unerring and blameless, that with hearts sincere and certain and unsullied you may [approach] the day of Christ, not stumbling nor causing others to stumble. May you abound in and be filled with the fruits of righteousness (of right standing with God and right doing) which come through Jesus Christ, the Anointed One, to the honor and praise of God? that His glory may be both manifested and recognized. (Philippians 1: 9, 11) Amp.

It sounds incredible, and it is. Make no mistake about that. Yet it is simple—not simple in the living but simple in the doing. Don't believe me? Then look at this.

Unto You, O Lord, do I bring my life. (Ps. 25: 1) Amp.

Is not that what I did when I asked Jesus to be the Lord of my life? Or, like most, did I bring Him parts of me? Did I even realize that I had brought only the nice parts, what I thought were acceptable parts? Not right away. It took time.

As I said, I got a job waitressing. Even then, I thought it was incredible. God sent me Christians to talk to me while I was working. I was the only waitress there. Thirteen booths and ten stools at the counter. I started working as a waitress when I was fifteen. I like efficiency, and I am a perfectionist. If I was good when I started, I was very good when I left. Consequently, I could sit with customers when it was slow. It never occurred to me whether it was acceptable or not. I was always used to doing as I wished.

There are Haida in Prince Rupert and other tribes around. They are beautiful natives. Nice stature, nice features, rich culture. Mary was a young lady I met in the restaurant. She would come in and burble. She was this incredibly energetic person. One day, speaking of a problem, Mary said, "Give it to God. He will change it."

I said, "Look, I am thirty and just beginning to discover who I am. You mean to tell me that God is going to change me, and it is going to take me another thirty years to figure out who he changed me into? I am not sure I would like that."

Yet that is exactly how it works!! To my amazement.

We ask Jesus in our hearts, and His Holy Spirit comes to dwell in us. The spiritual capacity of man was left empty when God took His presence from Adam. God cannot and will not be in the presence of sin.

Sin: living outside the blueprint, the original design.

Jesus brings us back to the Father, the originator of all the designs, all the blueprints, the architect. Jesus, who knew no sin, became sin for me, you, and every human ever to exist. His blood paid the price for me, for my rebellion, hate, anger, murder, and lust. Now, let's look at Psalm 25 as we bring our lives.

v7: Remember not [my lapses and frailties] the sins of my youth, nor my transgressions; according to Your mercy and steadfast love remember me for Your goodness' sake, O Lord.

I need that. I had broken every commandment of God and man. I had a hard time believing that He could choose not to remember, but He chose not to.

v8: Good and upright is the Lord; therefore will He instruct sinners in [His] way.

I qualify, therefore, I can be taught!

v9: He leads the humble in what is right, and the humble He teaches His way.

Am I teachable? Lord, help me to be teachable. Let me open myself up to your ways so that I may learn them. This is a simple request, but the answer has many blessings.

v10: All the paths of the Lord are mercy and steadfast love, even truth and faithfulness are they for those who keep His covenant and His testimonies.

Do I understand when I asked Jesus into my heart that a covenant (a legal binding agreement) was made with me personally with the Father? As I read and study His Word, I will understand how to keep this agreement.

V 11, 12: For Your name's sake, O Lord, pardon my iniquity and my guilt, for they are great. Who is the man who reverently fears and worships the Lord? Him shall He teach in the way that he should choose.

Have you ever thought about it? God is God!

Do you think of yourself as His creation? As the original architect, He could have erased His design anytime He wished, but He did not. Instead, He gave His only Son so that those who wish may have a divine relationship with the Father. It is the blood of His Son that secured the right. To gain you what?

V 14: the secret [of the sweet, satisfying companionship] of the Lord have they who fear revere and worship Him, and He will show the His covenant, and reveal to them its [deep inner] meaning.

Jesus answered them by saying, My teaching is not My own, but His Who sent Me. If any man desires to do His will (God's pleasure), he will know have the needed illumination to recognize, can tell for himself whether the teaching is from God, or whether I a speaking from Myself and of My own accord and on My own authority. (John 7: 16,17) Amp.

So, what part of your story will prevent you from fully knowing and understanding your heavenly Father?

Your story is why you do not like living in your skin. The things you have done, the ways you think are not of God. Rebellion, witchcraft, stubbornness, anger (and the consequences of it), hatred, confusion. Is there anything that was not covered when Jesus died on the cross? Is that why you do not bring your whole life to God? Do you think Jesus dying on the cross was not enough?

For it is impossible [to restore and bring again to repentance] those who have been once for all enlightened, who have consciously tasted the heavenly gift, and have become sharers of the Holy Spirit, and have felt how good the Word of God is and the might powers of the age and world to come, if they then deviate from the faith and turn away from their allegiance; [it is impossible] to bring them back to repentance, for (because, while, as long as) they nail up on the cross the Son of God afresh, as far as they are concerned and are holding [Him] up to contempt and shame and public disgrace. For the soil which has drunk the rain that repeatedly falls upon it, and produces vegetation useful to those for whose benefit it is cultivated, partakes of a blessing from God. But if [that same soil] persistently bears thorns and thistles, it is considered worthless and near to being cursed, whose end is to be burned. (Hebrews 6: 4,8) Amp.

So be careful in what you think and do. When your life is full of the stories that made you, you may have difficulty letting them go. What do you talk about? Your present or your past? What are the reasons you use to explain what you do or do that you should not? Is it because of your story, where you come from?

If so, please understand this. As long as your conversation is about where you come from or why you are the way you are, you live in your past. It is all you think about. Yet, if there was any life there, would you be so full of pain, despair, and fear? Is it not possible that you may not like living in your skin because of your past? If that is correct, then why stay there?

I am grateful for books. It is through books that I gained knowledge. I am an avid reader. I devour knowledge like people devour food. I can put textbooks or any book in my head. I then turn the pages and chew on what I wish or retrieve information. It probably comes from thinking everyone else knew everything, so realizing I had to learn everything and being naturally lazy, I learned to stick page after page of pictures of words in my head.

I really do live in a world of pictures. And if the constant pictures spur me on to want to learn to live, then I am grateful for them, too—even though they may be enough to make a nut. My need for life is so obvious when you have been the walking dead.

What is it worth to you to like living in your skin? There is no getting away from it until you're dead. Suicide is the murder of self. Murder always leaves pain and heartache to those alive. Abortion is murder, and the one left alive with the pain is the one who did it. When I took stock of my life at thirty and realized that the way I was going would get me dead, I quit. In a more honest moment of my life then, I did understand that I would be shot like a rabid dog if I continued the way I was. No conscience, no rules but survival, no real standard.

I was not fit for human company when I came out of foster homes. Ten years on the shady side showed me the nasty side of life. Foster homes were a breeze compared to the shady side. There was not a good thing in me, so what was there to like? When I understood Jesus was really there and believed it, the peace that came to my soul was that maybe I could be human.

Therefore, my dear ones, as you have always obeyed [my suggestions], so now, not only [with the enthusiasm you would show] in my presence but much more because I am absent, work out, cultivate, carry out to the goal and fully complete your own salvation with reverence and awe and trembling [self-distrust, that is, with serious caution, tenderness of conscience,
watchfulness against temptation; timidly shrinking from whatever might offend God and discredit the name of Christ. [Not in your own strength] for it is God Who is all the while effectually at work in you energizing and creating in you the power and desire both to will and to work for His good pleasure and satisfaction and delight. (Philippians 2: 12,13) amp.

When we are young in Christ, babies, we read this scripture and take it seriously. Yet, when we fail, when we fall, what do we do? Do we remind ourselves of the last verse, or do we take it on ourselves to work out what we think is the order of things?

Lean on, trust and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind, and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. In all your ways know, recognize and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; reverently fear and worship the Lord, and turn [entirely] away from evil. It shall be health to your nerves and sinews, and marrow and moistening to your bones. (Proverbs 3: 5,8) Amp.

Make a list of what you do not care about yourself, try to fix it, and you will not win. Why? Because you do not deal with the root of the problem, you're just cutting off the flowers and stem.

What you think should be dealt with first, God has as number 100. Learning to say, "Okay, Father, what are you trying to show me." If it is an attitude or a wrong habit, He will show you. How? By His Spirit.

In Him you also who have heard the Word of Truth, the glad tidings (Gospel) of your salvation, and have believed in and have adhered to and have relied on Him, were stamped with the seal of the long promised Holy Spirit. That [Spirit] is the guarantee of our inheritance the first fruit, the pledge and foretaste, the down payment on our heritage in anticipation of its full redemption and our acquiring [complete] possession of it, to the praise of His glory. (Ephesians 1: 13,14) Amp.

It is by the filling of our spiritual capacity with His Spirit that gives us access to the Father. This is the gift of Christ Jesus, our Savior.

Even when we were dead [slain] by [our own] shortcomings and trespasses, He made us alive together in fellowship and union with Christ. He gave us the very life of Christ Himself, the same new life with which He quickened Him. {For] it is by grace by His favour and mercy which you did not deserve, that you are saved (delivered from judgement and made partakers of Christ's salvation). (Ephesians 2: 5) Amp.

Therefore if any person is (ingrafted) in Christ, the Messiah he is (a new creature altogether,) a new creation; the old (previous moral and spiritual condition) has passed away. Behold, the fresh and new has come! (2 Cor. 5: 17) Amp.

Creature: Greek ktistes, original formation (prop. the act; by impl. the thing, lit. or fig):building, creation, creature, ordinance.from ktizo: (through the idea of the proprietorship of the manufacturer): to fabricate i.e. formed (form originally): create, Creator, make.

I became a new building when I asked Jesus into my heart. His Spirit will teach me how to like living in my skin. The question is, how much of my old furniture am I trying to bring into my new house? What good thing from my past will I take into my new home? As a new creature, what am I to be, and how do I achieve it?

May grace (God's favour) and peace, (which is perfect well being, all necessary good, all spiritual prosperity and freedom from fears and agitating passions and moral conflicts) be multiplied to you in (the full, personal, precise and correct) knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.

What else could I possibly need?

For His divine power has bestowed upon us all things that [are requisite and suited] to life and godliness, through the (full, personal) knowledge of Him Who called us by and to His own glory and excellence (virtue). By means of these, He has bestowed on us His precious and exceedingly great promises, so that through them you may escape (by flight) from the moral decay (rottenness and corruption) that is in the world because of covetousness (lust and greed), and become sharers (partakers) of the divine nature. For this very reason, adding your diligence [to the divine promises], employ every effort in exercising your faith to develop virtue (excellence, resolution, Christian energy); and in [exercising] virtue [develop] knowledge (intelligence), and in [exercising] knowledge [develop] self-control; in [exercising] self-control [develop] steadfastness (patience, endurance), and in [exercising] steadfastness [develop] godliness (piety), and in [excreting] godliness [develop] brotherly affection, and in [exercising] brotherly affection [develop] Christian love.

Why do I want to put energy into these things?

For as these qualities are yours and increasingly abound in you, they will keep [you] from being idle or unfruitful unto the (full personal) knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Messiah, the Anointed One.

Now, really pay attention!!

For whoever lacks these qualities is blind, [spiritually] shortsighted, seeing only what is near to him; and has become oblivious [of the fact] that he was cleansed from his old sins.

Is it not the "old sins" that brought us low and made life hard? Whether it was done to us by "others" or we did it to ourselves, are not these things from our stories that hold us down, back, from the real goodness of life? Are they not why we care not for living in our skin? If so, why keep them?

Because of this, brethren, be all the more solicitous and eager to make sure (to ratify, to strengthen, to make steadfast) your calling and election; for if you do this you will never stumble or fall. Thus there will be richly and abundantly provided for you entry into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. (2 Peter 1: 2-11) Amp.

As a new creature, it is my job to learn who and how I am to be this new creature. Where does it start?

O Lord our God, other masters besides You have ruled over us, but we will acknowledge and mention Your name only. They [the former tyrant masters] are dead, they shall not live and reappear; they are powerless ghosts, they shall not rise and come back. Therefore You have visited and made an end of them, and caused every memorial of them [every trace of their supremacy] to perish. (Isaiah 26: 13,14) Amp.

As a child, I was kept by my father; as a teenager, I was kept by the government; as an adult, I was kept by men. I was kept for sensual pleasure. These were my masters in human form.

On the spiritual side, Satan is the master. It is he who originated sin with his rebellion in heaven and stole the keys of life and death from man. One-third of the angels fell with him (by their choice) and that makes enough to allow every human at all times in any time to be harassed. Yet the manifestation of this harassment is wide and varied. As individuals, we must learn who and how we are to deal with the old masters. Notice that the word is plural. More than one. What is this about?

So this I say and solemnly testify in [the name of ] the Lord [as in His Presence], that you must no longer live as the heathen (the gentiles) do in their perverseness in the folly, vanity and emptiness of their souls and the futility of their minds. Their moral understanding is darkened, and their reasoning is beclouded. [They are] alienated (estranged, self-banished) from the life of God with no share in it. [This is] because of the ignorance the want of knowledge and perception, the wilful blindness that is deep-seated in them, due to their hardness of heart (to the insensitiveness of their moral nature). In their spiritual apathy they have become callous and past feeling and have abandoned themselves [a prey] to unbridled sensuality, eager and greedy to indulge in every form of impurity [that their depraved desires may suggest and demand]. (Eph. 4: 17,19) Amp.

So, brethren, we [who are born again] are not children of a slave woman [the natural], but of the free [the supernatural]. In [this] freedom Christ has made us free completely liberated us; stand fast then and do not be hampered and submit again to a yoke of slavery which you once put off. (Galatians 4: 31; 5: 1) Amp.

For we [not relying on the Law], through the (Holy) Spirit's [help] by faith anticipate and wait for the blessing and good for which our righteousness and right standing with God our conformity to His will in purpose thought and action [causes us] to hope. For [if we are] in Christ Jesus, neither circumcision nor uncircumcision counts for anything but only faith activated
and working through love.

A little leaven [a slight inclination to error, or a few false teachers] leavens the whole lump [perverts the whole conception of faith, or misleads the whole church].

But if you are guided (led) by the (Holy)Spirit you are not subject to the Law.

Now the doings (practises) of the flesh are clear obvious: they are immorality, impurity, indecency; idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, anger (ill temper), selfishness, divisions (dissensions), party spirit (factions, sects with peculiar opinions, heresies); envy, drunkenness, carousing, and the like.

I warn you beforehand, just as I did previously, that those who do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.But the fruit of the (Holy) Spirit,[the work which His presence with in accomplishes] is love, joy (gladness) peace, patience (an even temper, forbearance), kindness, goodness(benevolence) faithfulness; (meekness, humility) gentleness, self control(self restraint, continence). Against such things there is no law [that can bring a charge].

And those who belong to Christ Jesus, the Messiah, have crucified the flesh, the Godless human nature with its passions and appetites and desires. If we live by the (Holy) Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. If by the (Holy)Spirit we have our life [in God], let us go forward walking in line, our conduct controlled by the Spirit. Let us not become vain glorious and self conceited, competitive and challenging and provoking and irritating to one another, envying and being jealous of one another. (Galatians 5: 18-26) Amp.

You see it is quite simple. It becomes a matter of my job, God's job and "others" job. I must learn to do my job and leave God and "others" to their job. If "others" do not do their job, I must leave them to God, who always does His job, and make sure I am doing my job. Very simple.

The ear that listens to the reproof that leads to or gives life will remain among the wise. He who refuses and ignores instruction and correction despises himself, but he who heeds reproof gets understanding. The reverent and worshipful fear of the Lord brings instruction in Wisdom, and humility comes before honor. (Proverbs 15: 31-33) Amp.

It boils down to choice. How much do you want in life? How much do you want your own thoughts, ways, emotions, and habits? If you are not for living in your skin, does it not stand to reason that one needs to be taught how to be different? If we hang on to old things, can we say we are teachable?

What does it mean to be teachable? When you went to school, did you absorb the information because it was expected of you or was it because you wanted knowledge? How did you get along with your teachers? Were they a friend or enemy? How did you deal with authority growing up? Did you accept it, or were you rebellious?

How do you view work? A curse or a blessing?

Considering I moved a lot and had many teachers, I would say some of both for me. Yet, what do I see when I look at my tracks from living in my skin? If I am honest, I will see a lack of knowledge, lack of manners, great anger, great hatred, rebellion, and lack of respect for myself and others. Because there was no good thing planted in me, I grew to be a vicious weed, killing the lives of those around me.

One can get tired of just surviving. You can have lots of money and still just survive. It is not a financial condition that makes the survivor. The lifestyle condition and the heart and mind that go with it make the survivor. I had no heart, conscience, or standard to speak of. True, there were always things I would not participate in that were part of the burlesque lifestyle, but it just made things worse in that world. It is not good not to fit in where you are.

Oddballs always have problems belonging. As for me, I saw no reason to want to belong to that lifestyle any more than I wanted to mingle with people who grew up in the"poor" part of town. I cared not for the attitudes and ways. I cared not for the result. I could not consider that living. So, how do you learn?

The plans of the mind and orderly thinking belong to man, but from the Lord comes the [wise] answer of the tongue. All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the spirits, the thoughts and intents of the heart. Roll your works upon the Lord, commit and trust them wholly to Him; [He will cause your thoughts to become agreeable to His will, and] so shall your plans be established and succeed. (Proverbs 16: 1-3) Amp.

"Faith is not something that belongs to orderly thinking. Don't get me wrong; there is order in the universe, in plant and animal life. There's order in sciences and order in logic. However, faith stands apart from this order. Believing in that which you cannot see or touch is beyond the realm of order.

Order has its set rules and ways of being. There is a necessary order in certain realms; otherwise, it would be chaos, and life cannot thrive in chaos. Life requires an order of things to be life truly; otherwise, it becomes a haphazard, hit-or-miss affair."
"There are guarantees in the sciences. Things run on formula. Understand the formula, and you can use the science of that subject to do something. It is a guarantee that you take this, add it, and get it. It will happen one hundred percent of the time. Drop a stone off a cliff, and the science of gravity will cause the stone to fall. It is the law or principle that is gravity.

Everything is run on law or principle. People do not run to formula, but they do have patterns. There are laws or principles that run life.

"He is the Rock, His work is perfect; for all His ways are law and justice, a God of faithfulness, without breach or deviation, just and right is He." (Deuteronomy 31: 4) Amp.

"And the Lord your God will circumcise your heart, and the heart of your descendants, to love the Lord your God with all your [mind and] heart, and with all your being, that you may live. I call Heaven and earth to witness this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse; therefore choose life, that you and your descendants may live; to love the Lord your God, to obey His voice, and to cling to Him; for He is your life, and the length of your days, that you may dwell in the land which the Lord swore to give to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob." (Deut. 30: 6,18-20) Amp.

A person lives their life according to their belief system. If one believes in evolution, there is no designer; things are just "coincidental" they happen. However, if one believes in creation, then there is a designer, there is a blueprint, and there is a plan. When you look in the Bible, what is God going to end up with when time is finished? He will end up with angels who want to be with Him and people who want to be with Him. It is a choice, an incredible gift."

Being God, He could have wiped the slate clean and started again. No one but God would know. Yet, He chose to see His original creation through to the end. It was important that before Adam sinned, He asked Jesus to do as He did, to agree to His plan. Jesus was not an afterthought that was the solution to the problem.

A SKIT:

You are looking out at an immense darkness. It seems to be all around you, but wait! What is that pinpoint of light? You zoom in closer. What do you see? A window in a house. You look through the window and stare dumbfounded at the sight before you!

It is a kitchen with a large, heavy table. It could easily sit twenty. There is a person, a large-shouldered man with silver-white hair and a beard. He is pacing in the kitchen, walking around the table as another person enters. They have the same build, only the hair has got colour.

The first man says, "Son, I would like to have a chat with you. Have a cup of light." The Son goes to the fridge and pours himself a drink from a jug, then sits with his cup of light and watches the father.

The Father speaks of how He wants to build His creation. Now that things with the angels are settled, it is time to continue. He explains how the earth will be and how man will live there. He also describes how man will be given a choice, just like the angels were given a choice.

At this point, the Son asks, "Would not robots be easier? You were more than patient in giving the angels time to decide; while they were deciding, there was discord in heaven. Robots could be programmed to obey."

"It is easier." The Father turns to His Son, "True, I could create robots, but I must stick with the original plan. That is why I need to speak with you; I need your help with something. By giving man choice, I am giving him the right to say no as the angels did."

"Because the angels have been directly in my presence and refuse my ways, they are condemned. However, man I will visit personally, but I will give him my Spirit to help him as he grows. Satan is bound to tempt him, and man will choose. My way or his own. You know, if he chooses that, I will remove my Spirit away from the rebellion. This is what I need from you."

You watch by the window as the Father explains to the Son His need. You see the look on the Son's face that is immediately replaced by a calm demeanour. Without hesitation, the Son says, "Okay."

You watch them talk more, and the Father gets up and takes their cups to the sink. The Son stands as He is doing that and follows Him as they go out the door. The Father puts His arm around the Son's shoulder, and they leave the room.

The Son says, "I am not changing my mind, but robots would be easier." You hear the Father chuckle as He explains the gift of choice. Then you hear no more; there is just the seeing of His creation.

END OF SKIT:

"[We are writing] about the Word of Life [in] Him Who existed from the beginning, Whom we have heard, Whom we have seen with our [own] eyes, Whom we have gazed upon [for ourselves] and have touched with our [own] hands. And the Life [an aspect of His being] was revealed (made manifest, demonstrated), and we saw (as eye witnesses) and are testifying to and declare to you the Life, the eternal Life [in Him] Who already existed with the Father and Who [actually] was made visible was revealed to us [His followers}. What we have seen and [ourselves] heard we are also telling you so that you too may realize and enjoy fellowship as partners and partakers with us. And [this] fellowship that we have (which is a distinguishing mark of Christians) is with the Father and with His Son Jesus Christ, the Messiah." (1 John 1: 1,3) Amp.

As I learn to partake of the things of Jesus, by His Spirit, I can have fellowship with my heavenly Father. As I know of Him and start living His way, I do not mind living in my own skin. I will always have times when I do not care for living in my skin or having a conscience, but I know the alternative is death, so I will make myself learn, no matter how reluctant I am, to take that first step.

NO PIONEER EVER GOT OUT WEST UNTIL THEY SAID "GIDDY UP" FIRST!

Chapter Two

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Learning To Live In Your Own Skin (Even If It Does Have Holes)

Learning To Live In Your Own Skin
(Even If It Does Have Holes)